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    Saturday, December 09, 2006

    are we growing up or just getting old?

    today was the last official NSt service of 2006 and andy koko shared today. he went a little off the title above, going more into respect and love. he asked what he meant by 'growing up' and 'getting old'. to me, growing up would mean getting more mature, a little bit wiser everyday, a little bit more experienced every moment. getting old is just a number, and it could mean you're aging without any real experience, without knowing what love is and how to love. anyway. after a while, andy koko pointed out 1 corinthians 13, 'love is patient love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast...' i'm pretty sure u guys all know it, right. then he asked us to replace the word 'love' with our name. and we were laughing while we did and andy koko askede us why we laughed and we didn't really have answer for that and he told us, its because we know its not true. then he said to replace the word 'love' with the name of Jesus. and that made perfect sense to me. Jesus is perfect. He is love. it makes sense! it makes sense to me. so grow into that. grow into love and let love consume you, letit just swallow you whole. only God's love is so big, so great, so amazing, it can do that. it seems impossible. i thought it was. but its not.

    i came to know the Lord in sunday school when i was, i don't know, 7 yrs old? anyway, i just thought church was something fun, something just to fill my time. i was okay in my first three years of primary school. when i went into standard four, things started to change for me, coz when you're standard four, boys start to look better, people start to be cooler, and you just wanna fit in. by standard six, i had back slidden so so much. not to say people hated me, but nobody really liked me and i had no idea who my real friends were. i had no sense of self. i cried myself to sleep almost every night. i swore all the time, i felt filthy. almost every kid in school had seen 'da finger'. i came home every night, a liar, a filthy liar. how could God love someone so filthy? then there was the time my parents almost had a divorce. i was devastated. but that was the time that really shook me up. i had no where to go! i was tapped, the devil had me right where he wanted me. i would look at the knives in the kitchen, the pills in the medicine box and the razor in the bathroom. suicidal thought crossed my mind, day in and day out. but God intervened for me. where i had failed, He had succeeded and where i had fallen, He took my bruises for me. i turned to Him. and never had i felt so overwhelmed with peace, joy, and most of all, hope. hope was so great. it was just amazing. and thanks to supportive family, friends and leaders, here i stand today. i still fall, i still learn. but day by day, God helps me through by putting great people in my life. i am whole again.

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